Am I a victim of a cult or a cult leader?
Cults and high control groups fascinate me . . . for a few reasons.
First is that I have attracted quite a few people to my ceremonies and private work who were raised in cults and found deep healing in our safe container that also celebrates individual beliefs.
The second reason I have spent hours of time learning about cults is that many people believe that I was born and raised in a cult – Mormonism that is. What is the definition of a high control group?
One (ex?) Mormon, Thomas McConkie , says the definition of a cult is “any organization that will not let you leave with your dignity intact,” so any community that uses shaming, blacklisting, or “ex-communication,” all fall into this category. Another more generic definition is “a community regarded by others as sinister,” which could mean just about anybody or anything because there is so much divisiveness in the world: Apple vs. Microsoft could easily fall into that wide net. But, most people will not suffer serious emotional damage if they choose to upgrade from an iPhone to an Android, whereas someone leaving a cult can lose family, friends, career, housing, and as mentioned earlier, all sense of dignity.
Fortunately, my exodus from the Mormon church didn’t leave me feeling disgraced. I felt liberated and more aligned with what was true for me. I was able to build a very strong relationship with my parents, and can spend time with my family without being shamed, in fact, there’s a lot of love there. So, I may be an outlier, but I’ll say I don’t feel like I fall into the category of former cult member.
Another reason I’ve studied cults is that I’ve been accused of starting my own cult, which is so ironic. I did, indeed, start my own “church,” but the whole drive behind it is to help create safe and sacred experiences for diverse folks (meaning all beliefs, walks of life, values, politics, ages, abilities, races . . .) to learn, heal, and grow together. We don’t profess any dogmas. We share practices that we use ourselves and find to be helpful and encourage the people who attend our gatherings to take it or leave it and simply ask that kindness, curiosity, and respect for people and property be at play when participating in our gatherings.
We’ve been blessed to have people, literally, from all over the world: Eritrea, Philippines, Vietnam, Mongolia, Japan, China, India, South America, Mexico, Europe, and all throughout the U.S. We continually hear the deep sense of gratitude for feeling welcomed and safe to be vulnerable, drop the facades, and allow for deep healing to happen, including an unusual amount of former cult members. And I see a great void that I long to fill.
While cults and high demand religions/organizations are harmful, they do fill the need of belonging (albeit through control and manipulation). That’s how they retain their congregations. Fear of hell, fear of being cast out, and fear for all the other things that can be lost when getting out of this kind of community.
On the other side, there are the cherry pickers who enjoy all of the benefits of their yoga and meditation classes, Goddess empowerment workshops, Peruvian medicine ceremonies, Native American vision quests . . . I am one of those people myself, and yet . . . there is no unification. We are lacking that sense of belonging. It is a basic human need, and it is also one of the deepest, most painful, and most prolific human wounds.
I’ve been passionate about finding the ways to create unity that do not rely on manipulation, domination, and control. It’s a long and sometimes lonely, and seemingly unrewarding journey at times. I’ve been studying the different kinds of magic sauces to add in to Living Wisdom offerings to attract the committed community members who also value the deep connections. It is growing, and it is so precious.
Who can you call when you are in deep, spiritual need and you don’t belong to a church? Who can you go to when you or someone you love is in deep darkness? At times, the needs feel like they are too much for our little nonprofit, but fortunately, I (and Dr. Matthew) are called to be of service and find great fulfillment in being there for those in need.
We trust that if we continue to show up, putting community and loving kindness first, we will not only survive, but thrive and grow a strong, united community of folks who want to weave our unique, vibrant threads together to make something strong and helpful, like a basket, that can hold so much more than the sum of our parts.
If you feel called to be a part of something greater that celebrates the different, and is striving to create strength in numbers without requiring conformity to anything other than loving kindness and respect for all life, then you are warmly invited to check out Living Wisdom and what we are creating. There is, and always will be, room at the table for you.
