Is there a truth inside of you, so deep and powerful that you haven’t yet admitted it, even to yourself?
How would you know if there was something so real and authentic and yet hidden?
I’ve experienced things that, from a very young age, were obviously not a “normal” part of the 3D world. Because I had no words, and never witnessed anyone else around me speaking of such things, over time, some of these experiences, spiritual truths, fell asleep, like the Mad Hatter waiting for the guests to arrive at the tea party, never realizing the invitations never were sent.
Parts of me fell asleep to myself, and then, as my human journey proceeded, like all of us on the path of awakening, I’ve roused these parts, yet some of them felt far too outlandish to claim.
The wounded part of me couldn’t face it. The “not good enough” part of me couldn’t ever claim it. But as I’ve stepped deeper into my devotion to being of service, I’ve recognized that my main client must be myself. I can only help others to the extent that I have done the work myself, and it was with this “excuse” that I have allowed myself the indulgence of a commitment to self-love.
Over the past couple of years, my Creator has unavoidably beckoned me towards the aspiration of remembering, fully, even to the point of painfully penetrating that deep, old “not worthy” wounding with the reality that my life is a sacred gift. It has led to letting go of friendships and clients and other “opportunities” that did not align with this way of honoring my sacred gift.
It’s been uncomfortable, and at times, one of the most painfully vulnerable and frightening things I’ve even done, but also one of the most profoundly mystical and rewarding.
I will share here some words that I find to be very heartening, from Toni Jones (Thank you, Samantha Sweetwater for turning me onto the amazing artist): “I won’t pretend I’m a big deal
This gift is a big deal
The force behind the gift is who I serve that’s the big deal
And I get to express how major the big deal that is within me
Self love is rudely brave and I accept it now”
So, for those of you who recognize the “not good enough,” please join me in remembering that is a bullshit story keeping you small for no one’s benefit.
You may not feel like a big deal, but the life you were given and the possibility of doing something magnificent with it IS a big deal. So, let’s courageously hold hands and take a big step forward to be of service to The Big Deal with our incredibly precious lives.
Who’s with me?
“It’s gonna be a whole lot of who do I think I am
I been breaking all illusions all 2020
I am not who I was a year ago
I’m realizing how dope that is
Thinking about who says who does she think she is, is not a divine woman’s mentality
No one thinks more than I do about who I think I am than me
I see the invincible
I messed around and got another glimpse of my worth
Access got mad skinny
I release the drama of others from my past and I joyfully create more conscious connections
But I study me
Before I judge and create a story about others
Thank you everybody for being exactly what my growth needed to be for me
I really got away from believing my own BS
I clear this stuff about me in me
I examine my own self-incrimination even if it brings up a lot of pain
I release all the games I play to be right
The way I talk to myself matters so I sweet talk and pillow talk myself
I have a compassionate and kind inner dialogue with myself
The stories, experiences, the triggers, the needs, the fears, the traumas and all the goods are the holy ingredients that make my presence and energy delicious
This 2020 plus awareness going on got me seeing what I need to change
It’s freaking me out but my hands are up and I’m yelling yass at the top of my lungs
I won’t pretend I’m a big deal
This gift is a big deal
The force behind the gift is who I serve that’s the big deal
And I get to express how major the big deal that is within me
Self love is rudely brave and I accept it now
This me that I am now is enough
My awareness is more powerful than all distorted realities and versions of myself and the world
I am the vision board and I cut and paste others appropriately
I’m so out cold wit it
I silence irrational thoughts
Striving for real beauty that can be felt and not just seen
Help me see
I apologize I’m correcting and healing the mindset that attracted them and tolerated them for so long
I am healing and I see I don’t bond with them in this level of healing
I release you
I won’t protect insecure egos anymore because I see my
thoughts that match them
And those thoughts are gone now
I see the flattering sweet tongues facades of loyalty
Yet wisdom will keep me from others sincere BS
My inner wounded child can’t bond with them anymore
Cuz baby girl is saying “she growin up”
I am taking this year at a slow pace
I’m moving but I’m pacing this thang out
I think I am doing a beautiful job figuring out some heavy ish
I’m integrity driven woman
I transmute all disempowering habits that I made up to defend myself
Every sting of rejection and betrayal that I’ve threaded into my heart memory
I unravel you now
Now I don’t need you anymore
Thank you
I am the vision board
I’m done being childish
So much so many are no longer in my blind spots
I don’t need to know it all
I’ve embraced the unknown
2020 plus I continue to co-create you from a place of love
I see my thoughts
I see our thoughts
I see me now where are the lies
I see me now where are the soul ties
I see me now my thoughts will bow
This site is lit”
