Someone asked me, recently, in an interview “What is the biggest mistake you see people making when it comes to their relationships (romantic or otherwise)?”
I’d say this biggest mistake applies to pretty much ANY circumstance . . .
Believing your thoughts and narratives made up while in the middle of being triggered, stressed, annoyed, traumatized, etc.
It is an absolute fact that when we are in any form of shock, whether it’s just a low grade stress response or all out PTSD levels, we shut down.
Our vision is literally diminished, as well as our hearing, and most key, our mental operations.
In addition, old traumas pop up to play out old strategies of survival, which then influences how we put that limited perception together. Our mind and subconscious collude to pretend they know what’s happening so they can figure out a strategy, based on past wounding, to predict the future and then avoid it.
See the problem? Einstein said “You cannot simultaneously prepare for and prevent war.”
Once we believe the thoughts we’re making up about what’s happening and try to prepare for and prevent war/conflict/disaster, what we end up doing, unbeknownst to us, is making sure the worst happens.
So, with all of these odds stacked against us, what can we do?
The above sentence is a clue and I wrote about it last week. Asking a helpful question breaks old, stuck thought patterns.
It’s easier to think of those helpful questions AND implement them when we are feeling resourced, so the very first thing you should do when you’re stressed, triggered, losing your shit is to give yourself permission to prioritize resourcing yourself.
Release that stress from your body first, ask the helpful questions later.
It’s a bit easier said than done, but with practice, you’ll have new approaches that allow for actual growth instead of repeat loops of destruction.
Want to learn more? DM me and we can talk about ways I can support you.
